Style resolutions that will make you a better man

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I’m all for New Year’s resolutions but most of the fashion ones you’ll see are veiled attempts to get you to buy stuff from advertisers or rope you in to some new trend. But my list won’t cost you a penny.

The reason I like New Year’s resolutions is because I’m always striving to be a better person. I want to be a better man, a better husband, a better father. But what does this, a list of style resolutions, have to do with being a better person?

My 6-year-old son often asks me “Why do you like to dress so fancy?” And I always have the same answer: I believe that dressing well is part of leading a more thoughtful life and thinking about what effect I have on others. Society is a give and take and I’d rather give. Dressing well is also a sign of my confidence and belief in myself.

That said, if you don’t dress well you are not necessarily disrespectful. Today, wearing whatever you want is the baseline, the norm. You’re not necessarily contributing to the world around you, but you’re not detracting from it either. It is social apathy. But making an effort to dress well takes you up a step. I firmly believe that when I make the effort to dress well, it signifies that I will make the effort to be a better person too.

So if you are ready to take that next step…

Find a style icon

To find your own sense of style, start by learning from other men. In our grandfather’s time, you only had to look outside to see well-dressed men. Don’t try that now. Instead, the web is a treasure trove of inspiration. I’d suggest finding someone, Golden-age Hollywood or contemporary rake, who has a style sense that you admire. Study them as much as you can. Pore over photos and interviews. And then make it your own.

The always rakishly dressed Cary Grant, style icon to many men.

The always rakishly dressed Cary Grant, style icon to many men.

Start watching a show with well dressed men

Another way to find inspiration is TV. I’ve watched a number of shows with well dressed guys – Downton Abbey (1920s), Mad Men (1960s), Suits (contemporary) – and often I don’t even pay attention to the plot. I’m watching for the clothes. What do I like and not like? What aspects can I bring into my own wardrobe?

Downton Abbey's occasional dandy, Matthew Crawley.

Downton Abbey’s occasional dandy, Matthew Crawley.

Dress with intent

Instead of throwing on whatever clothes happen to be around, take a few moments to consider what you are wearing. Do the items work well together? Can you combine elements in a unique way? What image of yourself do you want to convey today? And don’t be daunted by a three-piece suit: start with something as simple as a jacket and a pair of chinos.

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Always dress for the occasion

The next step is to think about what you’re doing once you’re dressed. Remember being a little kid and putting on a suit for the first time, for a wedding or special party? The suit was probably uncomfortable and you took off the jacket soon as you started running around with your friends. But that ritual of putting on something different imbued the event with a specialness and uniqueness, different from every day life. If you wear the same clothes whether you are grocery shopping, going out for dinner or at a wedding, you are cheating yourself of that feeling.

How I dress for a backyard cigar with a friend.

How I dress for a backyard cigar with a friend.

Get used to dressing well

I wore my tuxedo to a New Year’s party last week. Most of the guys there were in jeans and untucked shirts. Instead of berating me for being over-dressed, a few of the guys said: “I wish I could be as stylish as you.” Part of this is because I know how to wear a tuxedo: the type of shirt, the bow tie, the shirt studs, the pocket square. It took me a long time to get here, and I’m still learning, through many hours of reading and looking. But also just wearing the stuff. If you only wear a suit or jacket once a year, when you do wear it, you’ll look stiff and out of place. Since I “dress up” practically every day, the feel of a suit is so familiar, I can feel confident no matter what I’m doing. And that is true style.

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Educate yourself

I’ve always wanted to dress better, but in my 20s, I knew I was doing it wrong. I hadn’t learned from my dad what shoes to wear with what jacket, or how to tie a tie, so I looked shabby instead of elegant. The rules of men’s style are like a secret code, and I think that intimidates and puts off a lot of guys. But once you start educating yourself about the why’s and how’s, you’ll see that these rules are there for very good reasons, which usually revolve around what makes the male body look its best. Start with a trip to the library and the books of G. Bruce Boyer and Alan Flusser.

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Learn to take care of your wardrobe

And then there’s the very practical form of education when it comes to clothes. Learning to take care of your clothes helps you understand your wardrobe almost better than wearing it. Learning to polish your shoes, sew a button or brush a suit helps connect you to the visceral, physical nature of your clothes. You’ll develop a better understanding of quality and how things are made. All of that together will help build your confidence in what you’re wearing.

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Do you have any style resolutions to add?